Kakashi's Bedtime Stories
by Zin and Sen
Summary: The teens of Konoha gather for a slumber party, only to find some trouble with the slumber part. That's where Kakashi comes in, with a myraid of fairy tales, with delightful twists! [Kakashi, teams 7, 8, 10, Gai, sand, sound, and more!] [T for swears]
1. Prologue thingie, yeah

**WELCOME, one and all, to the wonderful fanfic spewed forth from the demented minds of Zin and Sen! HOORAY!**

_Naruto is own't by Masashi Kishimoto, not Zin, or Sen... -sighs-_

Plz enjoy yer vizet wif Zin and Sen airlines. Therez will be NO smokin' durin' teh durat-ion of zis read, and we ask that you turn all cellphones OFF. Laptops may ztay onz, as yer prolly readin' this on et if et iz on. Alzo, keep your seat belts faztened unchul the end of teh chapter, at whuch poent you'llz see the "OMGSEATBELTz" light turnz off, and zhen you are FREE TO GO. Mm'kay thnx.**

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**Kakashi's Bedtime Stories**

Getting Started…

"Slumber party!" Yelled Lee, "The secret to ultimate youth!"

Sai cocked his head to the side, "Odd, I read somewhere that slumber parties were for-"

"SHUT UP SAI!" everyone quickly yelled. Said person grumbled in dismay.

"So… what are we going to do?" Asked Sakura, "Now that all of us are here?" She looked to the assembled crowd of team 7, team 8, team 10, the sand siblings, and team Gai. Oh, Sasuke was there too. But we don't know why. He just …showed up.

"Well, we could always eat…" Chouji grumbled through a mouthful of chips.

"We already did that, dattebayo!" Naruto cried.

"So? I'm still hungry…"

"Ah, quit whining, Chouji-kun!" Ino pouted.

"You're all so troublesome." Of course, that was Shikamaru. "Why don't we just sleep? I mean, isn't that what a _slumber_ party is for?"

"He's right," Neji, Tenten, Sakura, Sasuke, Ino, Shino, Temari, Gaara, Kankurou… oh, and Kiba… all nodded.

"But, the book says-" said Sai with teary eyes.

"SHUT UP!"

The book was promptly snatched out of his hands by Shino and burned, because it was evil, and Shino was wise.

"Everyone is still so riled up," Hinata said quietly. "Are you sure sleep is a good idea, Shikamaru-kun?"

"Well, what else do you suppose we should do?" He complained. He quickly perked up though, "Sai, you don't get to add any thoughts or ideas, they're all…" He ended there, not wanting to think about it.

"We have to do something," said Sakura in her unique whiney way.

"Yosh! We must do something… or our YOUTH will be FLAWED!" Rock Lee shouted.

"Calm down, Lee-kun," Tenten sweat-dropped, "I'm sure there's a way to do something.

"We _are_ supposed to sleep at slumber parties, aren't' we? Can we just do that?" Gaara glared.

"But, Gaara," Kankurou said, confused, "You can't sleep or you'll die…"

"We'll all die, too, stupid." Temari muttered.

Suddenly, the door to the abnormally large room of the random house of an unstated ninja burst open. Everyone gasped or jumped in shock, except for those that were stoic in nature, emo, or already jumping (coughcoughNaruto).

"Will you kids shut up? Some of us are trying to sleep…" A large, dark shadow loomed in the doorway. Some people (mainly the girls, and Lee), gasped in shock. When said shadowy figure of doom lurched forwards, though, everyone sighed in relief (except for the aforementioned stoic and/or emo people). It was just Kakashi. Though he claimed to have been trying to sleep, he was oddly still dressed in his every day normal clothes. And he was holding his book….

Naruto, oddly enough, had an idea. And even more oddly, it was actually good. "Kakashi-sensei! Tell us a bedtime story!"

This was chorused by a group of other fifteen to sixteen year old ninjas yelling, "Yeah Kakashi-sensei, tell us a story!" (Oh, yeah, and there was Kankurou and Temari, who were older than sixteen, but still badass enough to be there.)

"Ah, no," said Kakashi flatly, "You guys are teenagers, you don't need bedtime stories."

"But, our YOUTH will be FLAWED!" begged Lee, latching himself to Kakashi's leg.

"No, you're too old!" said Kakashi more sternly.

That was when Kiba got a very evil look on his face. "Well," he said in the most evil fashion imaginable on a Kiba face. Then he held up Kakashi's beloved book, "If we're too old for stories, so are you!"

"What? No, give that back!" yelled Kakashi in complete dismay.

Akamaru jumped defensively in front of his owner. At the same time, Sakura said, "C'mon, Kakashi-sensei, just a few stories! Pleaaaaaasssseeeeeee!" She gave him the most watery, largest, sparklyest (is that a word? Humm, according to the spell-checker, no, no it is not) puppy-dog eyes you ever did see. Like, EVER ever. Yeah.

Kakashi flinched. "N-Not the puppy dog eyes…!" Seeing that it was beginning to work, Ino jumped in beside Sakura.

"Pleaaaaseeeee," she squealed too. Kakashi took a step back as Temari joined the fray. He was beginning to break! Sensing this, Tenten also joined in. And then, to complete the rainbow of green, blue, greenish-blue, and brown eyes, Neji uncharacteristically shoved his cousin, Hinata, in. She, too, joined in. (Sorry, fangirls, no Neji-puppy-dog-eyes… but it did get kept Hyuuga, for you.)

The addition of the white eyes must have done him in, for the man threw up his arms in defeat. "Fine, fine. I'll tell you some stories. Just promise me that I get my book back later."

"Yes, yes," the girls chimed as they shoved Kakashi across the room.

"But the stories better be good ones, sensei!" Sasuke grumbled with crossed arms.

The jounin sighed. "Where to begin… Ah, yes. I know a good story." He grinned. Well, he was wearing a mask and all, but he grinned anyways. And everyone knew he was grinning. He's Kakashi, he has that power. Now, back to the point.

The kids – er – teens settled in around him, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Kakashi sat in a rocking chair in front of a fire that certainly was not there when this fic started. (Well, okay the fire was, Sai's book, remember? Fwoosh! Yay Fire!)

Speaking of Sai… "I hope these stories have lots of –"

"SHUT UP!"

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-OMGSEATBELTz sign blinks out-

THAR. Now review if you must, but it doesn't matter, as we're continuing with this either way! GWAHAHAHAR!

Next up: CINDERELLA, with a twist!

**Zin and Sen**

_P.S. Get used to the random Sai interjections and "SHUT UP!"s as they will be popping up ALOT. You'll hate us for it, buhlieve me!_


	2. Kankurella?

**I have two things to say. **First off...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Secondly; Kishimoto owns Naruto... that bastard! Ack! ...But Zin and Sen own Kankurella's dresses. Teeheehee.**

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**Chapter 2: Kankur-ella**

"Are you guys familiar with the story of Cinderella?" Kakashi asked with a sigh.

"Who?" Naruto said, squinting at Kakashi and pouting.

"She's a princess, dobe." Sasuke scowled.

Ino smacked the blonde kid on the head. "The PRETTIEST one, too."

"I'm not familiar with that story." Shino said flatly.

"Really? Weren't you there when Kurenai-sensei told us that story?" Kiba asked.

"He was away that day, which was why she told us stories instead of training," Hinata said.

"Oh. Well, it's a good story, you'll like it." Responded Kiba.

"Good story? Are you kidding me? That story sucks!" Kankurou scoffed.

"Ah, shaddap, Kankurou. You're just a grump." Temari scowled.

"Don't be so troublesome, everyone, it's just a story." Shikamaru said, lying back on the floor.

"Wow, the other teams sure argue a lot…" Tenten pointed out.

Neji nodded. "Apparently so."

"YOUTH!" Lee cried.

"Don't be so loud," Chouji complained to the green-clad boy.

"I agree." Gaara nodded. "Lee, please, quiet down."

"Yeah, fatso, don't be so YOUR MOM!" Sai cried in amusement.

"Do we all have to make interjections before the story?" Sakura interjected before the story.

"Yes, you do, because you're all noisy, annoying teenagers, and the authoresses want to remind the audience who's all here without making a list." Kakashi sighed. "Can we start the story yet?"

"I still want to know who Cinderella is!" Naruto flailed.

"…To make this easier…" Kakashi began, "…to our not-so-mentally-endowed friends…" He pondered his words carefully, said not-so-mentally-endowed children/child (teenagers/teenager) not realizing they/he had been insulted. "…I will pick some of you to be in the story, as the characters."

"That's stupid," Kankurou scoffed.

"In that case," Kakashi grinned, "You're up first."

"WHAT?!"

"Alright, so I'm going to tell you all the story of Princess Kankurella."

"I'm not going to be a girl for your own sick amusement!"

"You mean he doesn't get a-"

"SHUT UP SAI!"

Kakashi sighed, rubbing his head. "You can stay male." He grumbled something under his breath, which many could have sworn was something along the lines of "we'll need a female prince, then."

"Once upon a time there was a Princes- er, Prince, named Kankurou. But since his parents really always wanted a girl, they called him Kankurella."

"Haha! You weren't wanted!" laughed Naruto.

"Neither were you stupid!" countered Kankurou.

"Anyways!" yelled Kakashi, "One day Kankurella's mother died, so his father married and evil woman with two daughters named Gaara and Temari. The stepmother hated Kankurella, but his father loved him. Everything would have been fine if he had stayed alive, but he was stupid and died on the toilet. Now Kankurella was all alone, but she, uh, he was not emo because he had some mice to amuse him."

_Within-the-story no Jutsu!_

"Oh mice, what shall I do? Every one is so mean to me and I think I might go emo!" cried Kankurella in dismay.

"Ah, shut the hell up, you shit-headed whiner." Tayuya-mouse said, and had she not been the size of his toe, she would have kicked him in the shin. "Cutting yourself would just be a waste of a razor, stupid. You pathetic waste of flesh!"

Chouji-mouse munched hungrily on a little pouch of chip crumbs he had collected. "Yeah, don't sweat it."

Ino-mouse cuffed Chouji-mouse for being rude and talking with food in his mouse. Shika-mouse sighed. "Go to the ball instead of going emo. What a drag..."

"Ball? But I have nothing to wear!"

"What ball?" Tayuya-mouse scoffed. "The shit-head narrator didn't tell anyone about that yet." Suddenly, Tayuya got caught in a mouse trap that appeared out of nowhere, and almost died. Chouji-mouse, with his super-mouse strength, pried her out. "Okay, okay!" She grumbled, "I'll explain it then. Sheesh... Er... well... Your sisters got that invitation, right? Well you were invited too. Yeah. To. Er. That lame-assed royal ball thing 'cause the prince is a lonely bastard that needs to set up a big frickin' event just so his picky ass can find a woman without going anywhere."

"Wait, isn't the prince a princess in this story?" Kankurella asked.

"Oh, right, you're not gay. Well, then, the princess is a douche-bag that's too damned lazy to get off her ass and find herself a man, so she's bringing men to herself by means of this shitty ball idea."

"OOOOOH, that makes sense." He nodded.

"Troublesome," Shika-mouse grumbled.

Ino-mouse cuffed him. "Shut up, you. And as for you, Kankurella, I'll help you make a dress! I am, after all, the most BEAUTIFUL mouse in this house!" She was promptly cuffed by Tayuya-mouse. "Er, I mean, I have good fashion sense?" Tayuya-mouse nodded. Ino-mouse sighed in relief.

"But, I'm a boy, I don't WANT to wear a dress...!"

"Too damn bad, asshole. This is all you get. C'mon, stupid punks, let's go."

She dragged Shika-mouse and Chouji-mouse off, and Ino-mouse followed. "We'll make you a dress!" The blonde mouse called, "And it'll be pretty, you'll see!"

"…" Kankurou sweat-dropped. "I hate my life."

Tayuya-mouse and the others proceeded to rob the evil stepsisters blind, because she was weird like that. The other mice just took what they needed to make a dress while Tayuya-mouse sold the expensive stuff on eBay. When the mice had all the material they needed for the dress, Tayuya-mouse played a mind controlling tune on her flute and the others began to cut and sew with zombie-esque obedience.

"Mwahahaha! Obey me my mind slaves!" cried Tayuya-mouse. Upon seeing Kankurella's disturbed face she quickly added, "I mean uh, sew, yeah, sew…"

How she was talking with a flute in her mouth, the world will never know. But in record time the mind controlled mice finished a pretty pink and white dress with lots of frills and ribbons and lace.

Kankurella was about to begrudgingly try the dress on when his sisters burst into the attic/Kankurella's room.

"Why is my jar of dirt on eBay?!" demanded Gaara.

"Bwah?" asked Kankurella who was holding the pretty dress up to himself.

"It had to have been you Canker-Wench!" yelled Temari in a very Elizabethan way.

"It was the mice I swear!" yelled Kankurella.

"You're a looney! Mice can't steal, talk or sew!" yelled Gaara, who tore up the pretty, frilly, lacy, pink dress.

"But we can swear, shit-head," Tayuya-mouse said with a wicked grin. Gaara didn't hear her, though, for the sake of staying with the plot.

The two evil stepsisters left to go to the ball leaving Kankurella alone to weep bitterly and curse her miserable, pointless existence.

"I curse my miserable, pointless existence!" Kankurella wept bitterly.

I just said that!

"Sorry," said Kankurella.

Kankurella continued to cry until a disgustingly sweet voice called down to her/him, "Sweet youthful child, why are you crying?"

"My parents are dead, my step family hates me for being pretty, and I'm stuck living in an attic!" cried Kankurella.

"Uh, what about the ball?" asked Ino-mouse.

"Screw the ball!" yelled Kankurella, "The ball is nothing compared to the rest of my crappy life!"

"Well my dear youth, you will go to the ball, for I am your Fairy-God-Lee!" cheered the Fairy-God-Lee, striking the nice guy pose.

"Ah! Eyebrows!" yelled Kankurella.

"My eyebrows give me magical youthful powers, as does my bowl cut of youth!" said the Fairy-God-Lee. As it to prove his point the Fairy-God-Lee smacked Kankurella with his wand. Kankurella was now dressed in a youthful dress, thanks to the magic of youth.

"Ah!" Fairy-God-Lee cried, tears of joy streaming down his face, a sun setting over a beach as his back drop, "You look so beautiful, so… YOUTHFUL!"

"Thanks and all," said Kankurella, admiring his purple dress, "But how am I supposed to get to the ball? I can't walk there in these glass Nikes."

"WAIT A MINUTE!" The real Kankurou cried. "There's no way I want my fairy-tale-self wearing a purple dress!

Suddenly, Kankurella was wearing a pink, frilly, ass-tight, skimpy dress, with excessive makeup that was very, very neon turquoise, and it clashed terribly.

Kankurou gulped. "Ah, er, yeah… purple is nice, yeah… purple is nice." He nodded.

Kankurella was back to wearing the pretty purple dress with non-spooky makeup, and said Kankurella sighed in relief. "Well, back to the walking issue. How the hell am I going to walk there?"

"Well, that's all prearranged!" Lee's bowl cut of youth bounced and sparkled as he held up a fist in determination. "You will have a ninja escort, and they will find a carriage for you! Yosh!"

"Ninja escort…? What the hell? Aren't I supposed to get a really nice coach out of a pumpkin or something?!"

"Well, for one thing, pumpkins are out of season. Also, my beautiful youthful friend, it is very likely that your step-sisters – er – step-sister and step-brother, Temari and Gaara, have set up traps or hired other ninja to take you out, should you decide to go. So you shall have a youthful ninja escort, to get you safely to the YOUTHFUL BALL! YOSH!"

Kankurou smacked his forehead. "Where are these ninja, then?"

"Ohoho!" Lee laughed triumphantly. "They are already here!"

"…I don't see any ninjas, Lee."

"Fairy-God-Lee!"

"Er, I don't see any ninjas, Fairy-God-Lee."

"They aren't ninjas yet! Team-ten-mice, Tayuya-mouse!"

"Aw, you're shittin' me, eyebrows. No way in hell I'm gonna…!"

"Stop complaining, Tayuya-mouse, you're so troublesome." Shika-mouse scoffed.

And with thus Fairy-God-Lee waggled his eyebrows of youth and waved his sparkly, pretty youth wand. He then smacked all the mice really hard with his wand, and they turned into ninjas.

"Are you sure he hit them with the wand, not his-" Sai began.

"SHUT UP!" And with thus the story continued.

"Now, you may be all pretty and stuff, but my bedtime is midnight! Even youth must sleep! So, at midnight, you will turn back to normal Kankurella, and you four will be team-ten-mice and Tayuya-mouse once again! Yosh!"

So Kankurou and his ninja escort left, and it didn't take very long for them to find a carriage. "Man," Tayuya-ninja said in glee, "This is damned sweet. I have FINGERS now, dammit! Shit, I can't wait until we get to take a carriage."

"There's one now!" Ino-ninja pointed out.

"I'll get it!" Chouji-ninja declared. He used the expansion jutsu, and became quite large. "Human boulder!" He cried, "Rollrollrollrollrollrollrollrollroll…"

And he crushed the carriage, and all within.

"Way to go, fata-" Before Tayuya-ninja could finish, Shika-ninja and Ino-ninja had slapped hands over her mouth. Luckily, Chouji-ninja never caught on. He was sensitive about his size.

So they waited for the next carriage, to which Tayuya-ninja managed to nab without having to swear TOO badly. She was happy, though, because she did get to kill the footman.

"Alright, let's go." And so they went.

They got to the ball in good time. Kankurella received many gasps, though most might have been from the fact he was a boy wearing a dress, not that he was pretty. (Which, it might be added, he was.) "Hey," he said to the ninjas, "Will you guys still be here, say, around, 11:45?"

"What? Hell no! Fuck this shit! I'm human! I'm going to a damned bar!" And with that, Tayuya-ninja jerked the reigns and the commandeered horses took off.

"Is there gonna be food there?" He heard Chouji-ninja inquire.

"What about cute human boys?" Ino-ninja asked.

"How troublesome…" Oh, who could that be?

The carriage faded off into the sunset.

"Aw, snap," Kankurella cursed.

When he got inside, he even got more weird looks, though many girls blushed and giggled. Stupid fangirls…and Sai…and Jiraiya.

And, oh look, there was the prince. "Bah, this one's too stupid. NEXT!" The female prince called, shoving a down-trodden Naruto aside.

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Naruto."

"This one's too emo. NEXT!" There went Sasuke.

And then… "What? Hey, you're a girl! What the hell Temari! Go away!" And so a rejected Temari slumped and pouted and stalked off. Kankurella giggled. Yes, giggled. He blamed the dress.

"…You don't have eyebrows, punk. Go away." Oho, and there went Gaara!

The prince pouted and flipped his – er – her long, beautiful, black hair. "Dammit, are there any not-gross boys here? …Hey! You! Kid in the dress! Come here!" She demanded.

Kankurella slid forwards. Man, this chick was angry. But oddly pretty (she is, after all, a prince). "I'm Prince Kin. Who the hell are you?"

"Uuuuh… a dude in a dress?"

"…"

"A PRETTY dude in a dress?"

"GOOD ENOUGH! Hey," She called over her shoulder, "Zaku! Dosu! I found one I like!"

"FINALLY!" The two cried in unison, collapsing in a heap of joyous tears.

"Let's dance or something, okay punk?"

Kankurella nodded. "Er… alright."

So Prince Kin and Kankurella danced the night away. They both kinda sucked at dancing, but that didn't matter. All the fangirls looked on in growing jealousy, especially the 'Sues. The fanboys that had tried for Kin's attention and failed terribly were either busy getting drunk, or trying to find other girls. Temari, who wasn't in either category, was simply getting drunk. Gaara, who also wasn't in either category, was helping Temari get drunk. Also, there was another part to this crowd – the crackpairing fangirls. They were busy plotting how to get Prince Kin away from Kankurella, and replacing her with Tenten, Anko, or Hinata. A fight soon broke out, and Royal Esteemed Guards Shino and Kiba had to bust a few lips before things calmed down.

"I like your dress," Kin said, "I'm going to borrow it some time."

Kankurella nodded while he did the shoppingcart. "Yeah, it would look nice on you."

Kin began doing the lawnsprinkler. "Damn well better."

Kankurella grinned. Kin grinned back. The fangirls of this pairing, all three of them in existence, swooned and fainted. This included Tsunade, who was a closet-fangirl.

Kankurella soon found it difficult to be dancing in glass footwear (they had no grip and he was slipping everywhere). He took off one shoe and handed it to Prince Kin and was about to remove the other when he caught a glimpse of the clock.

"Crap, almost midnight, I gotta go!" yelled Kankurella. He took off and ran all the way back home, leaving a bewildered Kin alone with a transparent Nike.

"Aw, damn," Kin cursed, "And the Macarena was just starting."

"I'm back!" called Kankurella, when he arrived at his house.

"Heh heh, your ass-ugly twin is too…" giggled a drunk Tayuya-mouse.

Then Temari came in and killed Tayuya-mouse, because it's canon, and nobody messes with the canon!

"What about the-"

"SHUT UP SAI!"

"You missed a fun night out Kankurella," said Gaara, "Except for that guy in the dress, he was pretty, in a weird creepy way. You wouldn't have liked him much."

"Oh you'd be surprised," mused Kankurella aloud.

Temari and Gaara went to their rooms and muttered something to themselves about Kankurella's taste in friends. Kankurella himself buried Tayuya-mouse and then went to bed in his attic where he dreamed of Prince Kin doing the Macarena.

When morning came there was a knock at the door. It was the Esteemed Royal guards Kiba and Shino with a glass Nike.

"Waddaya want?" growled Temari.

"By royal decree whoever fits this Nike will marry Prince Kin," said Shino.

"Temari was about to slam the door when Kiba added, "And get a lifetime supply of beer."

"…Canadian beer, or American beer?"

"Canadian. Oh, and a few two-fours of Dutch..."

There was a moment of silence, and then, "Now we're talkin'!" And the two were roughly dragged inside. Once in said side, Shino's eyebrow twitched, because Shino's awesome and he can do that for no reason and get away with it. Yep.

"The lady first," Shino insisted. Really, though, he just wanted to get this over with and go home so he can stand still and be stoic. Temari giggled, anxious about wanting free beer. She settled into a big, over-stuffed, fancy chair. She held out her bare foot.

"Gimmie the shoe," she said. The two, not wanting to put it on for her, gladly gave her the glass Nike. …It didn't fit. Her feet were much too big. "Uuuuuh," she mumbled, "Just a moment. I'll be back in a minute." Temari scuttled off.

"Alright, uuuh, we'll take that kid now." Kiba said, pointing to Gaara. Gaara grumbled about how it wasn't his stupid, inconvenient, pointless, worthless, and utterly useless shoe, but they made him try it anyways.

So he sat in the big, over-stuffed, fancy chair. Kiba grimaced as he tried to put the shoe on Gaara's foot. Gaara's foot was too small… Kiba blinked. Or was it? Suddenly, the shoe seemed to actually be snug…!

"Sand." Shino muttered.

"Eh? Oh." It was true; the shoe was stuffed with sand, making it appear as though it had actually fit the boy. "Hey, that's cheating!"

The sand retreated. "Damn. How did you know?"

"…The shoe is clear…? We could see it…?"

"…"

"I'm back!" Temari cried running back in. Her bare feet slapped across the marble floor, and she heaved Gaara out of the chair, taking his place. "Shoe." She demanded, holding out her hand. In her other hand, she held a blood covered kunai. Gaara handed the shoe over to Kiba, while Shino regarded Temari with a raised eyebrow.

He leaned over, as if to put it on, but the blonde girl stopped him. "Oh no, I can do it!" She snatched it from him, and turned to the side, doing her best to keep her feet from view. The bloody kunai clattered to the floor, forgotten. She grunted and winced, and finally, "Ah! It fits!"

She held up her leg proudly, pulling back the hem of her dress. And sure enough, her once-too-big foot now fit!

…

"Temari-san, did you mutilate your own foot to fit the shoe?" Shino said apathetically.

"Er, no?"

"You did too! There's blood all in the shoe!" Kiba cried accusingly.

"Is not!"

"The shoe is glass, dammit, we all can see it!" He added.

"Oh, come on! I'm just sticking to the actual story here! It's canon!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, one of the step sisters seriously cuts off her own toe to fit the shoe!"

"Wow, that's… morbid."

Temari sighed wistfully. "I know, isn't it wonderful?"

The two exchanged glances. Suddenly, Kiba noticed something. "Hey, wait, aren't you a girl?"

"Yeah, and?"

"We're only supposed to be trying this on men."

"Oh, poo." She got up, slipped the bloody shoe off with a gross sucking noise, and stomped/slid off to the door. "I guess I better get some bandages, eh?"

"Is that all that's here then, just you?" Shino asked.

Gaara nodded, wanting the two out of his house after they revealed to the audience that the red-haired teen had small feet.

"Okie dokie, let's get out of here Shino, I gotta go home and feed Akamaru."

"Wait, wait!" Someone wailed, rushing down the stairs.

"Kankurella." Gaara muttered.

"Eh? Oh, there is another then?" The two said.

Kankurella plunked himself in the big, over-stuffed, fancy chair. He lifted a foot. "Me! Me! Oooh! My turn! Meeee!"

Shino looked at the blood-slicked shoe, and tossed it casually to Kankurella. Eagerly, the boy slipped the glass Nike on. It fit perfectly! Or so it seemed…

"It's so covered in blood we can't see if it really fits his foot." Shino said.

"We could always wipe it off…" Kiba said, readying his sleeve.

"That's gross." Gaara scoffed.

"Good point." Kiba said.

"SOLUTION!" Kankurella shouted. Out of a pocket that we didn't even know existed, he pulled the other glass Nike. "Aha!" He cried, and placed it firmly on his other foot. He pointed to it triumphantly. "See? It fits!"

Gaara stared at him blankly. Temari, with a freshly bandaged foot, came trampling/limping back in. "Eh? What? Kankurella?! What the hell?!"

"Apparently, he's that really awkwardly pretty boy that danced with Prince Kin." Gaara pointed out.

Temari pouted. "That's not fair."

The esteemed royal guards, Shino and Kiba, hefted Kankurella up. "Alright, then, off to the palace. You get to marry Prince Kin. Hopefully that will stop her whining, and hopefully that means Dosu and Zaku will stop whining." Kiba explained as they escorted a grinning Kankurella to the door.

"Hey, um, wait!" Temari called.

"What?" Kiba said, looking over his shoulder.

"Er… … …Since I'm not allowed to date and/or marry Prince Kin because she's a girl, not a boy (like her title suggests), what about her guard?" She winked.

Shino glared very deeply, in a look that said "shut up and leave him alone so we can get the hell out of here and go home faster so I can be stoic and not move" and Temari peeped in fear and dove behind an unfazed Gaara. Kiba laughed. "Er, no, that's okay."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Real Temari shouted. "I wouldn't hit on Kiba!"

"Shut up and let me finish the story," Kakashi sighed.

"I'd hit on Shino," she added with an indignant pout. Across the room, Kiba burst out laughing and Shino's eyebrow twitched.

Anyways, Temari and Gaara grew up and died alone, and Kankurella married Prince Kin and had lots of babies, much to all the KankuTen and ZakuKin fangirls' dismay. However, Tsunade came out of the closet about her KankuKin fangirl tendencies, and even though she was a creepy stalker of theirs, they awarded her (for overcoming her pride and admitting it) by letting her become one of their children's godparents. Mistaking a godparent with a Fairy-God-person, Fairy-God-Lee tried to teach Tsunade everything he knew. This eventually lead to a very accidental death on Tsunade's part, but nobody really cared because this is just a lame story that the narrator is making up so that his gennin students will piss off and leave him alone. Oh, and Tayuya-mouse is still dead, team-ten-mice died from mousetraps, cats, and rat poison, and Zaku and Dosu eventually assassinated Kin because she was annoying. The end.

"That wasn't a very good ending, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura whined.

Kakashi sighed.

Temari and Gaara grew up, lead lives with happy endings even though they're the evil stepsister/stepbrother and one of them has a horribly disfigured foot. Kankurella and Prince Kin had babies and that made Tsunade happy. Tayuya-mouse is still dead and team-ten-mice lived long, happy lives. Zaku and Dosu eventually found people to marry but only 'cause story-teller-sensei won't get his book back if they didn't, and they had lots of babies and a happy life, too. Fairy-God-Lee was forever youthful. Everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

"Now are you happy?" Kakashi asked tiredly.

Everyone that had been involved in the story shook their heads, except for a few (Shino, Kiba, and team ten). Everyone else cheered uproariously.

"That was awesome!" Kin cried.

"Kin, what the hell?!" Kankurou cried. "When the hell did you get here?! Wait… aren't you DEAD?"

"Pfft, no, else I wouldn't be here." She crossed her arms and grinned. "Kankurella," she teased.

Zaku grinned.

"What, he's here too?!" Ino shouted, practically ploughing Kankurou over. "And Dosu-kun?!"

Dosu nodded, as did Zaku. "We don't want to be here, though, she dragged us."

As if on cue, Kin grabbed Kankurou by the collar and heaved him out from under Ino. "Awww, as if I could leave my Kankurella-chan alone in a room full of Konoha gennin!" She stuck out her tongue, and gave the puppet-master a mock hug of glee. The whole room guffawed, except for Shino, who doesn't guffaw, Gaara, who simply grinned, Sasuke, who rolled his eyes, and Kakashi, who just wanted to get this the hell over with.

Just then, Sai, who had been relatively quiet for the last few minutes, decided to pipe up. "Hey, if those two _did_ have babies, wouldn't he get pregnant? I mean, if that story was any indication, she's more of a man than he is 'cause he must not have a-"

"SHUT UP!" Everyone cried at once.

* * *

OMG however did you stick with such a long chapter? D

Well, anyways, you did. So, GOOD FOR YOU! Your brain hasn't bled yet - you're braincell count is low enough to read our material! GWAHAHA! Reading this stuff is SO much cooler than being smart. I mean, srzly, go tell your friends, "I read through Zin and Sen's Kankurella and DIDN'T DIE!" And they'll be AMAZED at your supreme skills of awesome. Seriously, TRY IT!

Up next... erm... I'm not sure. Hey, Sen, what IS up next...? ...Bah, thought so. Alright! WAIT AND SEE.

**Zin and Sen**

_P.S. All these author's notes are mine, Zin's, as I'm the one posting these, not Sen. Howeverz, we both wrote these._


	3. Snow Haku, Part I

_We don`t own Naruto, we don`t own Snow White. In fact we don`t own anything. Not even clothes. We wrote this naked. (Except for crazy socks.)_

* * *

**Haku White  
**_Part I_

Kakashi looked about at the large group of teenagers that had mysteriously all acquired pyjamas somewhere between chapters two and three. That was not what really bothered him though. What bothered him was the fact that the teenage ninjas were not yet sleeping. At this rate he would never get his book back.

"Alright, so what story can I tell you guys that will make you sleep?" asked Kakashi, trying not to sound too desperate.

"If I sleep I'll die…" pouted Gaara, dressed in red footy pyjamas, complete with butt flap.

"After seeing what Sasuke's wearing, I'll never get to sleep," groaned Kin, holding her head.

All eyes turned to Sasuke who was wearing a pair of pyjamas that were styled like Gaara's, except for the fact that they had purple stripes. HORIZONTAL purple stripes! Ino and Sakura were suddenly turned off by the idea of dating him, but neither said anything, for fear of the other making a move on the hideously clad lad. Sasuke sheepishly grumbled, "Orochimaru's hand-me-downs."

Thankfully, not all of the ninja were as badly dressed as Sasuke. Zaku, Dosu and Kin all had matching cow spot pyjamas. Sakura, Ino and Hinata had pink, purple and beige nightgowns respectively. (Though Ino had slippers that looked like piggies) Naruto had his cannon pyjamas (badass walrus sleepy-time cap included), because nobody messes with the cannon! Lee wore pyjamas that looked a lot like his suit, and Shikamaru just wore his clothes to sleep, because it was too troublesome to change. And then, there's Sai…

Sai sat in a corner with anime gloomy lines around him. Neji, in all his kunai patterned PJ glory looked down at him, "What's eating you?"

"Sakura won't let me use my pyjamas," he sobbed.

"That's harsh Sakura," said Choji, wearing green pyjamas with a butterfly print and munching his ever present bag of chips.

"You don't understand," groaned Sakura, "His pyjamas are non existent!"

"Gross," seethed Tenten in a pink Chinese style nightgown and pants.

"Actually," said Sai, brightening up a little, "It's not gross, it's actually very-"

"SHUT UP SAI!"

While Temari in her shorts and t-shirt beat up on Sai, it came to Kiba and his paw print patterned pyjama's attention that Shino was still dressed as he usually was.

"Hey Shino, aren't you going to change?" asked Kiba.

"No, I plan on staying awake," said Shino, nodding sagely, "I've decided to keep an eye on Sai and Jiraiya."

"Shino," said Kiba very slowly, fearing for his friend's mental health, "Jiraiya isn't here."

Shino simply remained silent and all knowing.

"Okay…" said Kiba uneasily, and walked away…slowly…very slowly.

"Hey!" yelled Kakashi, "Enough chatting! I want out of here! What story do you want to hear?"

Suddenly, a dull silence filled the room. Two heavenly voices floated down from the heavens. A strange, yet comforting and pure white light flooded over Kakashi. "Oooh, Snow White! Please?" The first voice said. It was very heavenly indeed.

The second voice grumbled and growled a little. "The kid wouldn't leave me alone until I brought him to hear the stories…" Okay, so that voice wasn't all that heavenly.

Everyone was in awe, Kakashi was facepalming, and realization dawned on Sakura like a brick. "Haku and Zabuza?" She gasped.

"Hey, hey, I knew I knew those voices! Dattebayo!" Naruto cried. A commotion arose, though mostly because nobody except for team seven really knew who Haku and Zabuza were. Well, Sasuke wasn't part of that commotion, he simply sighed and squirmed uncomfortably. Oh, Shino was quiet, too.

"SHUT UP SAI!" Sounded a few times, and finally, Kakashi had enough of it.

"BE QUIET!" The jounin yelled. …it didn't work.

"Please be quiet?" The Haku-glowy-light-thing asked femininely. …it didn't work, either.

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU TINY LITTLE BASTARDS!" The ex-demon-of-the-mist, now heavenly-looking-stream-of-light-of-the-mist hollered. …ah-hah, that one worked! Everyone was quiet, hooray!

"Thanks, Zabuza."

"Any time, Kakashi."

"Right-o then. I'm going to tell Snow White. All of you are going to listen and–"

"Hey! Wait!" Kiba cried, "If Zaku, Dosu and Kin are dead, and so are Zabuza and Haku… why are Zaku, Dosu and Kin …well, kinda… real… but Zabuza and Haku are streamy-heavenly-light-things with voices?"

"Uuuhh… internet?" Zaku answered.

"Baka, that answer only works on Fairly Odd Parents." Dosu said.

"Oh, right."

"Shut up, morons," Kin sighed. "I'll explain." She stood up, towering over her peers, giving off a dramatically imposing image. "See, we're dead, and so are they. However, we have chosen to appear as physical manifestations of energy, with solid appearances and solid figures, in turn. Technically, we're a form of poltergeist. Zabuza and Haku, however, have chosen to appear in a different manifestation of energy. As you should very well know, there are other kinds of ghosts. They seem to have chosen the physical manifestation of electromagnetic energy, the gathering of such energy is strong enough to give off light. At the same time, they can still manifest themselves enough to have a voice."

"That's right," Haku interjected.

"…So really, yes, technically, all five of us are dead, and we are ghosts. We have chosen to be a form of poltergeists, and they are just manifestations of electromagnetic energy that most – or all – ghosts have." She bowed and sat down. A few people clapped, but most were extremely lost.

Before they could ask questions, the authoresses wanted to get on with the stupid stuff instead of lengthy, well-timed explanations, and made Kakashi talk again. "Alright, that's good enough, let's get back to the story here. We're going to do Snow White, in memory of Haku, and as such, Haku can be Snow White! We'll call him Haku White." (1)

"Isn't that a bit redundant?" Sasuke asked.

"Good point. Alright then, he's Snow Haku. And I think I have a good idea for the rest of the characters….

"Once upon a time, in a far away land, there was a beautiful princess – er – well, male princess, named Haku White. He was very pretty, and often confused for a girl. His formal title of princess didn't help much… anyways, Haku White lived with his evil step-mother – er – father, Queen Kakuzu."

_Within-the-story no Jutsu!_

Snow Haku danced in the courtyard… garden… thing…. with a white bunny. He twirled around in his pretty dress with the bunny in his arms singing with the birds, and talking to various woodland creatures. He was so sweet and pretty and kind and innocent, that it made Queen Kakuzu want to vomit.

"That kid is disgusting," grumbled Kakuzu, "He doesn't even bring in any income."

"Shut the fuck up, Kakuzu, seriously. I mean, it's not like you're a damned money attraction either, douche bag." Magic-Mirror-Hidan scowled.

"Yes, yes, now Magic-Mirror-Hidan, make yourself useful and remind me of how I'm the prettiest in the land again," ordered Queen Kakuzu. And, y'know, Kakuzu really is pretty. Seriously!

"Are you shittin' me? You're fucking ugly – hah, fugly! You fugly bastard! I mean, shit, man, Snow Haku is fucking hot compared to you."

"…Did that last sentence rhyme?"

"Not intentiona – I mean, NO! No it did not rhyme! Why the hell would I fucking rhyme?"

"I assumed it was part of that freak cult of yours. So Snow Haku is the prettiest eh? I'll just get rid of him. Now, should I call in Orochimaru? No, I need another heart. I'll send Snow Haku out to play with those creepy animals and then send a ninja assassin after him to rip out his heart!" he laughed evilly, "Then I'll sell the rest of the corpse and make a ton! GWAHAHAH!"

"Riiiight… have fun with that." The Magic Mirror, Hidan, responded.

"I will, no thanks to you, bastard." said Queen Kakuzu, whom of which promptly turned on his heel and set off to find a half-decent ninja assassin.

Sometime later, after much searching, the distraught Queen Kakuzu was so distraught, as earlier mentioned, because no half-decent ninja assassin was to be found. Instead, the distraught man had found… Sai.

"Now listen! I want you to bring Snow Haku's heart back to me in this box. _This_ box. And I want his _heart_, alright? I want him dead!"

"Are you sure you're not just killing him because you're a n-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Well, I'm just saying, I mean, Haku _is_ kinda pretty for a boy. I bet he-"

"_SHUT UP!_"

"Yipe! Sorry, sorry!" Sai cried when Queen Kakuzu launched a bunch of scary, dark threads towards the belly-shirt wearing woodsman/ninja assassin.

"Now, I sent Snow Haku out a good half hour or so ago, to go play with the woodland creatures. He should be somewhere around…"

"Are you sure he's _playing _with them and not-"

"SHUT UP! Yes, I'm sure! _Now go! _And don't forget – Haku's _heart_ in _this box_!" Kakuzu scowled, pushing the intricately designed box into Sai's gloved hands.

"Yes ma'am-er-sir! Yes sir!" Sai said with a fake smile and a nod. He turned and strode off, out the big, pretty, castle doors that always open so dramatically, no matter which fairy tale you're in… er, back on topic.

Queen Kakuzu slumped in his throne, rubbing his brow in frustration. He sighed heavily. "Hidan, get the hell out here." He demanded.

"Not until you say that stupid fucking rhyme." The echo-ish voice sniggered.

"Fine, dammit! Mirror, mirror, get your ass out here before I chuck you off the highest damn tower on this castle!"

"That's not how it goooeeees!" Hidan chided in a sing-songy, bemused voice.

"It will be if you don't shut up and start being serious."

"…Fuck, you've got a stick up your ass, don't you?"

"That's better. Now, Sai should be getting there any minute now! Gah, I can't wait!"

_Scene-change no Jutsu!_

Snow Haku sat in the middle of a large field of flowers wearing an abnormally pretty pink dress, surrounded by all the woodland creatures who loved him…dearly not queerly! Snow Haku was making a crown of flowers for each of them.

"Oh mister bunny! You look so pretty!" cried Snow Haku, hugging/strangling a white rabbit with a daisy chain around its head. "You're so cuuuuuuute!"

Just as Snow Haku was about to glomp the other animals he heard a poor little birdy that fell out of its nest.

"Oh no! A poor little birdy fell out of its nest!" gasped Snow Haku.

Keep in mind Snow Haku was the fairest, not the smartest or the most in character. He scooped up the blue bird and with ninja speed and agility, scaled the tree and put the bird back in its nest.

"There you go little birdy. There's no need to be scarred, your parents will come for you," soothed the boy princess. Then he looked dramatically and forlornly into the sunset that had somehow appeared in the afternoon. He took a deep breath and sang, "Someday my prince will-"

"Arg! Singing!" yelled Sai, who had managed to keep his lunch down until that moment. The scene was just too sweet and innocent. So sweet and innocent it made him writhe in pain and fall out of a tree.

"Oh my! Sir are you lost?" asked Snow Mary-Su- I mean, Haku rushing to his side.

"No actually, I was sent to kill you," said Sai, still all smiles.

"Ah!" screamed Snow Haku flinging his arms in front of himself in defence.

"Would you mind moving your arms?" asked Sai, "Its hard to get a clear shot at your heart."

"Oh, okay," chirped Snow Haku, who never dreamed of inconveniencing anyone.

"Uh-oh, uh, I forgot the box…say, could you wait there for a second?" asked Sai.

"Sure, take your time!" called Snow Haku as Sai rushed off to find the box.

_Five hours later_

"I'm back, thanks for waiting," said Sai, "Sorry I have to kill you now little girl."

"Oh it's not a problem," assured Snow Haku, "But you should know that I'm really a boy."

"Wait!" gasped Sai, "You're a boy! You have a-"

"Um, please don't go there," pleaded Snow Haku.

"I can't kill another bishounen character! Have you any idea how vastly outnumbered we are in this series? You should run away, that should prevent Queen Kakuzu from killing you," ranted Sai, shoving Haku into the dark scary woods, "You'll obviously be safer in these evil looking woods anyways."

Snow Haku ran away screaming into the dark evil looking woods, leaving Sai to wonder what to do about his current heart problem. Seeing a bunny hop by, he smiled a rare real smile. "Ohoho," he rubbed his hands together in an evillish delight, "this ought to show that bitch Kakuzu for telling me to shut up!"

_Meanwhile, back at the ranch… er… castle..._

"Hey, Kakuzu, wake up you fugly bastard! That little bitch Sai is back."

Queen Kakuzu, whom of which had been snoozing peacefully on his throne, jerked awake with a snort. "Huh? What? FLYING MONKEYS!"

Hidan the Magic Mirror sighed in frustration. "Wrong story, doucebag. This is Snow Haku, remember?"

"Ah, right. Well then, what the hell did you want?"

"The woodsman is back annoyingly damn early."

"Woodsman?"

"Well he's a fucking ninja assassin too."

"Ah, you mean Sai."

"I told you that the first... oh, nevermind. Here the little bitch comes. Make him hurry up, I'm getting bored of this lame-ass fucking story."

"Fine, fine! But only so you shutup. Now, time to make me some money, heh heh heh."

As if on cue, Sai strode in with a bold arrogance in his walk that was actually quite dramatic (it didn't help that he came in those big, dramatic doors). He strode up to Queen Kakuzu, who was now standing, and bowed with even more drama. He offered up the box, dramatically. "For you, my queen!"

Queen Kakuzu's eye twitched. "I don't like where all this drama is going..." he mumbled, and took the box. He cast a look of distrust towards the eerily smiling Sai, and slowly opened the box. It creaked gently, and then... "WHAT THE HELL?"

Sai just stood there grinning like an idiot.

"THIS IS DISGUSTING! Augh, what the helllllll! SAI YOU DINK!"

"I'm not a dink!" Sai chirped. "The thing in the box is a –"

"SHUT UP SAI!" Queen Kakuzu and Hidan shouted at the same time.

"Aw, man, that's some sick shit. What the fuck is wrong with this kid?" Hidan scowled. "I mean, I like my share of sadism, but this is just fucking disgusting."

Kakuzu slammed the box shut and flung it at Sai. "I SAID I WANTED A HEART! You sick bastard! Get the hell out of here, right now!"

"Hey, what about my pay?"

"OUT!" Kakuzu pointed to the dramatic doors that our one authoress seems to like so much. Sai pouted and stalked out.

However, before the woodsman/ninja assassin was quite out the big spiffy doors-o-drama, he turned and said, "That thing wasn't easy to get, y'know. I had to-"

"SHUT UP!" And with thus, Sai shut up. And he left (dramatically through the doors, of course).

_Scene-change no Jutsu!_

Haku screamed and ran through the evil looking woods. He screamed as the branches grabbed at the annoyingly pretty pink dress. He screamed at the scary shadows that flickered across the landscape as lightning danced across the near-black sky. He screamed as a particularly fearsome, large bird of prey swooped low, screeching like a banshee as its claws cuffed his well-cared for black hair. He screamed as thunder boomed loudly overhead. He paused to catch his breath, and once his lungs were satisfied he set to screaming at anything and everything once again. This included a stationary rock that was more sparkly than scary.

Finally he flung himself on a less frightening stationary rock and sobbed. It was all too scary and the canon character turned OOC angsty Sue, so he cried and wept over his current situation and oh so tragic past.

"Oh this reminds me of the snowy village where my abusive parents abused me because of my beauty and awesome ninja skills until they were killed and I had no friends and then I was sent to live with an evil queen who talks to a mirror and keeps trying to sell me into slavery and it's so scary and I almost died and my life is soooooooo tragic-"

Then the sun got so annoyed with the angsting that it shined to make things less scary thus hopefully make Haku stop crying.

"Thank you Mr. Sun!" called Snow Haku.

It was just then that Snow Haku noticed something. ...Because we need to get on with this plot. And this something that Snow Haku noticed was a Zabuza! A big, scary, manly, tough Zabuza. (The best kind, in our opinion.)

"Zabuza-san! What are you doing in this big, dark, scary woods?" Snow Haku asked in relief.

"Well, all the little woodland creatures that were supposed to come and cheer you up got scared and ran off."

"Well these woods ARE scary, in their defence..."

"No, Haku, they were scared of your Mary-Sue angsting. Pussies." The last part was murmured, and added as an afterthought.

"...Oh."

"So anyway, I'm here to take you to the cabin. Get up, let's go."

"Cabin? Don't you mean cottage?"

"Same shit, different pile."

"You can't swear in a fairy tale!" And then Snow Haku remembered Queen Kakuzu's mirror, Hidan. "Oh, right. I forgot about him."

"Stop talkin' to yourself and let's get going." Zabuza proceeded to leave, and whether Snow Haku followed or not wasn't his problem. Of course, being Haku and the "rescuer" being Zabuza, it's only canon that Haku followed him. ...Because nobody messes with the cannon. (Even though the authoresses are totally screwing us over, here...)

So the two trotted off into the scary (but now sunny) woods. They soon found themselves facing a cabin – er – cottage. It was large and wooden-y, and had a chimney, and a door, and some windows...

"Oh! Zabuza-san, look! A pretty little cottage!" Snow Haku clapped in delight. Zabuza grunted in response.

Snow Haku then continued on with the plot and rushed into the cab-er-cottage. Zabuza, more out of curiosity than actual wanting-to-go-in-ness.

"Oh my! Look how filthy this place is. It's as though a small group, roughly six to eight in number, resides here, and since they're out being ninjas – or something – all day, they probably don't have time to clean! Gasp! How tragic," Snow Haku shook his/her/its head in dismay.

"Stop hypothesizing," snapped Zabuza, even though Haku was marginally correct.

"Oh!" Haku stopped suddenly in his tracks. He seemingly didn't listen to Zabuza at all. "We should clean it for them! That way, in they get mad because we had just barged in their house and intruded, then we can say, 'at least we cleaned!' and we'll all live happily ever after!"

"That's not I recall this fairy tale ending. If I'm not mistaken, you die in the end."

Snow Haku still wasn't listening. He/she/it was rolling up his/her/its sleeves. "Alright, Zabuza-san, let's get cleaning!"

"Wait? I don't think so. I didn't sign up to this fairy tale to do your dirty work. That's what you're supposed to do for ME, remember?"

Snow Haku gave Zabuza the most wibbly puppy-dog eyes he had ever seen. "B-b-but, the woodland creatures never came, and you showed up instead, so I just thought –"

The big swordsman found himself having a hard time trying to say "no" to the wibblies. Whatever those were. ...So he made up an excuse instead. "I need to leave, to... go pick up some milk. You know how cranky I get when we're out of milk."

"Oh that's no problem, Zabuza-san, I conveniently picked some up for you before the start of this fairy-crackfic." Snow Haku smiled.

Despite the convenience of Haku's off-screen, earlier action, Zabuza continued to find excuses. "Well, you know, there's this Seven Swordsmen of the Mist reunion, and I don't really wanna be late..."

"But I thought none of you got along?" Snow Haku innocently tipped his head while he spoke.

"Well, I know, but... well, you know how Kisame gets when I don't visit him. He might run off and join a not so secret organization...or become a sea witch...or something..."

**TO BE CONTINUED!  
**_Dun dun duuun! Oooh, suspense!_

* * *

_Will Kakashi ever finish the story? Will Zin and Sen ever write Kakashi finishing the story? Will Kisame become a sea witch? Even we don't know...  
_


End file.
